‘I can of mine own self do nothing’-- John 5:30

On 11-01-11, at approximately 1853 hrs Central African time, as I was wrapping up another neurotically busy day at work, my boss, to his office, summoned me. I am fast getting used to hearing his famous last words, ‘I need you.’

He had literally just received an unreasonable request from the head of our office. As I sat before him, he frantically outlined this latest one.

In that 23rd hour, it had dawned on ‘Madame’ as she is affectionately called, that 12 January marked 1 year since Haiti had been struck by a massive earthquake, one that the country to date is still struggling to emerge from.

She was demanding that a flag ceremony be arranged to accommodate up to 800 people, in less than 24 hours. For those who are unfamiliar with such protocol, this 7 minutes of pomp and circumstance would compel us to jump into very high gear, including the raising and lowering of the UN flag, placement of a wreath, a moment of silence and lastly, a few words echoed by Her.

As I listened to this professional command, I was having a very different inner [personal] response. Quickly I scanned my body to find where I may be holding my own remnants of this disaster that in an instant transformed my life up until that point. It was my heart that spoke to me and from where this appeal today emanates.

I recalled being propped up in bed working on another humanitarian project in South East Asia when I received the call which prompted my fast return home to Jamaica to establish the GVN Assessment Team that traveled into Haiti less than 12 days after the quake.

Today on 12 January 2011, with immense humility and gratitude, I am remembering the lives of those lost as a result of this quake. I can still feel the trauma – tense, tight and raw – that loomed over the land as our aircraft touched down with seven team members who arrived in Haiti, committed to making a viable contribution to the Haitian recovery.

Besides the agenda of our hearts, we had no clear vision as to how we might even begin to contribute to the reparations of this immense atrocity.

One thing I do know for sure is that in spite of the insurmountable odds, we gave it our all, which subsequently led to the placement of over 400 volunteers in Haiti over a period of 6 months; seemingly ordinary human beings taking on extraordinary circumstances and manifesting projects beyond their wildest expectations.

For a brief moment, across the world, we humans, managed to step away from ourselves to be of tireless service to our fellow beings. I pray that now, one year later, we do not wane. Especially now, Haiti needs us during her re-traumatizing moment.

At 1653 hrs today, wherever you may be, I invite you to join me as I pause for a moment of silence to reflect upon the strike of Mother Nature then, and how we may strive to show Her our love and respect today – such that She recognizes that we’ve heard her call and are committed to being the humans that she invites us to be – kind, loving, compassionate and respectful to all sentient beings.

As I approach the mat shortly, it is my intention to honour all those who chose to give of themselves so that the lives of others, known and unknown, may always lovingly be remembered.

Namaste!

Journal Entry; 3 June 2010

Recently I read an Eisenhower quote that said something to the effect that when caught in a quagmire, one needs to move to a higher level/state of consciousness to find resolve.

Another trans-Atlantic flight, 30,000 feet above sea level, at the very least presents me with this physical possibility.

Who was it that said that the opposite of love is fear?  As much as I love being ‘above and beyond it all,’ I also note where I don’t travel as comfortably as I once did.  Perhaps this has to do with an emerging state of consciousness.  On the other hand, it mightn’t even be that sophisticated – I’m being mindful not to develop a fear of flying as this would totally usurp my commitment to being a global humanitarian and Universal Empress. 

June 1^st, six months into the start of 2010 caught me between European cities; I awoke in Den Haag – my old stomping ground and 12 hours or so later, slumber found me in London town.

Upon arrival in London, I attend a yoga class with one of my favourite Jivamukti teachers; Cat.  She shares with us about having her in-laws to stay for the weekend and invites us to honour our parents irrespective of what our relationships with them may be.  I’m in awe.  At one point when she comes to assist me with a posture, she says, ‘you’ve literally smiled throughout this entire class.  I wish more students could find their joy in their movement.’  This is the power of yoga; saying everything and nothing.  Making a connection without having to explain it away with words.  Namaste.

In this month, both of my parents will celebrate landmark birthdays; on 2 and 17 June respectively.  I’m sad because I’ve missed the one on the 2^nd though happy that my Higher Powers provided me with a glorious London day with clear blue skies so that when I called and sang Happy Birthday while standing at the corner of St. John’s Wood, I could feel the love emanating through the telephone line. 

Thankfully, I’ll be home for both Father’s Day and Mum’s birthday.  My greatest wish is to just shower them both with love. 

Prior to Den Haag and London, I’d been in Italy, co-facilitating GVN’s first European based ‘Be The Change’ (BTC) programme; a resounding success at many levels.

Given that I had been riding a Haitian roller-coaster emotionally akin to Disney’s ‘Space Mountain’ with intermittent twirls on the proverbial Merry-go-round, it literally took me 48 hours after arriving in magical Italy to unwind and embrace the beauty that surrounded me.  It was also the first real indication I had of how close I was to the edge of burnout.  For my family, friends and colleagues who have bore witness to my 19 hour days, 7 days weekly for the past several months, they may bet to differ and say that I was already smoldering.

In spite of being geographically removed from Haiti, still I continued to be pulled in several directions – being a stand for others wanting to Be The Change, supporting the Haiti initiative from afar, teaching yoga and oh, as if I didn’t have enough going on, having to worry about the impact of the elusive Mr. Coke; aka Dudus, on Jamaica and my community there.  Divinely though I was being taken care of as where in Italy, I did not have access to television.

One morning in particular, I would too soon forget this vivid sequence of events:

·      0600 hrs: exhausted and feeling rather unwell, awake to an e-mail that invokes a serious argument; one of those where you shake from inside out, head to toe

·      0630 hrs:  SMS message arrives to inform me that Jamaica is in a state of emergency

·      0700 hrs:  teaching yoga class

·      0900 to 1400 hrs:  Presentations to 20 participants about life in the humanitarian world

Overwhelmed and on the verge of being buried by it all, somewhere between 0630 hrs and 0645 hrs, my inner voice of calm and reason reminds me to live in the moment and to take all of these dramas with a dose of equanimity, breathe, and do one thing at a time.  Ah, in the end, not such a bad day after all.  For the yogis out there, why does it seem to always take a situation where we are rendered helpless to understand the essence of equanimity?

Upon completion of BTC and not wanting to play tourist in Italy of all places – tells you where my state of mind, body and soul were – craving the comfort of the familiar and being surrounded by love – kinda impromptu, I venture home – to the land of canals, cheese and clogs.  Being surrounded by nature and lifelong core friends this short sojourn served as the thirst-quenching dose of respite to restore my stability, focus and perspective.  I filled my days with meandering walks and my evenings with leisurely heart-filled intimate dinners with loved ones.

As I bode my eclectic Dutch family ‘tots later’ – Miranda, Sole, Joe, David, Sofia, Suzie and Sander – I knew that I was definitely guided to be in Holland at this juncture in my life.  During my almost 9 years of living there, the last three [years], were living hell.  The transmutation that life circumstances there presented me were in fact a gift; one that I was unable to recognize until 3 years later while having a Eureka moment at my desk in Indonesia.  In acceptance of that moment and with an almost overdose of courage, I managed to depart a life that had served me well for most of my adult life and to leap empty handed into the dreaded void.

June 3, 2010

AA 105.  Remaining flight time to destination:  3:07 hrs.

The week ahead is one that I’ve greatly looked forward to; participating in a yoga workshop entitled ‘Off the Mat and Into the World.’  This workshop that will be held upstate NY combines yoga and activism.  AND I managed to get a scholarship to boot!  The crème de la crème to this workshop for me will be spending time in the presence of Marianne Williamson; the other of ‘A Return to Love.’  In it she states,

‘….our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure….our playing small does not serve us nor the world in which we live…’

Ha!  In humble gratitude, even I am watching the space.

And so it is.